Phoenix
Phoenix Nexus News Sub Space Static: Volume 2. Issue 1.
Sub Space Static: Volume 2. Issue 1.

***** Inter Galactic News *****


*** Message From The Editor ***

Pitiful meatsacks of the Peripheries, commence your rejoicement celebrations and sacrifices, your beloved Editor Overlord Kang has returned to you.

Kang is aware that he has experienced some… missing time… Kang can neither confirm nor deny that this might or might not have something to do with the brainchip placed inside his skull when he was kidnapped from the Golden Kang awards by some dubious black-ops organisation that KANG ADMIRES GREATLY!

… If anybody has any idea of what Kang has been doing, or where he has been in recent months, please let Kang know.

It will obviously take Overlord Kang some time to get back up to speed on all the news and happenings in the Peripheries. Kang understands peace has broken out? How unseemly.

Here is news!


*** GTT Accused Of Piracy. Again. ***

Superior Flagritz sources have today accused the GTT of running pirate vessels, due to the following scans taken by superior Flagritz scanning devices:

Location:
Erilan (320) - {Beta,14} - orbit of Chang-Er (6626)

---------------------------------Battle Summary---------------------------------

FLZ MO-ERI Chang-er 01 (59777) - Outpost
Scints: 3.3 Shields: 9369(26.4)

Targeted by GTT JHC ARBITER OF REVENGE (93160) - 1673 [2200] Damage


Star Date 215.25.4

Quote:
Location:
Erilan (320) - {Beta,14} - orbit of Chang-Er (6626)

---------------------FLZ OUTPOST MO-ERI Chang-er 01 (59777)---------------------

---------------------------------Battle Summary---------------------------------

FLZ MO-ERI Chang-er 02 (52999) - Outpost
Shields: 6248(22.4)
Retreated from battle
PIR JHC ARBITER OF REVENGE (93160) - Ship
Javelin Class Heavy Cruiser {Heavy Ablative Armour}
Armour: 180.0
Retreated from battle


The GTT for their part have responded by stating that it is impossible for GTT vessels to reflag as Pirates due to EEM registration enforcements, and that the vessel in question had today been captured by pirates, hence its reflagging.

Kang must reluctantly admit this sounds plausible, as surely not even the febrile GTT are stupid enough to reflag a warship as a Pirate without also changing its EEM registration number.



*** New Peripheries? ***

Space is vast.

But not as vast as Kang’s superior intellect.

There are rumours that two new entire Peripheries have been discovered. The Orion Spur, and Perfidion Reach. No doubt explorers are busy flocking towards them even as we sit here ruminating on Kang’s innate superiority.

Kang recently discovered a new Periphery in his slave pit, filled with many many wonderfully expensive uniques, waiting to be exploited. All of them fit into the preciously rare ‘M’ category of unique trade good too! You cannot wait, can you, hardy explorers? Flock this way, just through this door, into these shackles…

Kang approves of low-effort slavery.

Kang’s new Flagritzi Slaughter-Boots do not simply make themselves you know!


*** Kang is in the sky with diamonds on ***

Dewiek forces are reporting the destruction of a pirate:

---------------------------------Battle Summary---------------------------------

DEN Dingo B 2 (90028) - Ship
Hlq Gunship Class Heavy Cruiser {Medium Ablative Armour}
Armour: 60.0
Targeted by PIR Marigold (60218) - 0 [0] Damage
Attacking PIR Marigold (60218) - 10181 [11250] Damage
DEN Dingo B4 (34362) - Ship
Hlq Gunship Class Heavy Cruiser {Medium Ablative Armour}
Armour: 60.0
Destroyed PIR Anemone (5962) - 8486 [9625] Damage
DEN Dingo B 3 (12113) - Ship
Hlq Gunship Class Heavy Cruiser {Medium Ablative Armour}
Armour: 60.0
Destroyed PIR Anemone (5962) - 6860 [7750] Damage
PIR Anemone (5962) - Ship
Broadsword Class Heavy Cruiser {Heavy Armour}
Armour: 79.7
Hull Damage: 75.5%
Targeted by DEN Dingo B4 (34362) - 8486 [9625] Damage
Targeted by DEN Dingo B 3 (12113) - 6860 [7750] Damage
Attacking DEN Dingo B4 (34362) - 0 [0] Damage
INTEGRITY BREAKDOWN - Ship reduced to debris
PIR Marigold (60218) - Ship
Broadsword Class Heavy Cruiser {Heavy Armour}
Armour: 80.0
Hull Damage: 34.1%
Targeted by DEN Dingo B 2 (90028) - 10181 [11250] Damage


Marigold? Is Kang to believe that rubber gloves are now being taken to the spacelanes to be destroyed by telepathic space dogs?

Is Kang hallucinating again?!



*** Freebooters Guaranteed Warm Welcome ***

A small fleet of around half a dozen worthless ‘FRE’ flagged freighters has recently been blasted into smithereens by the infamously useless DTR defensive platforms around their homeworld of Venice.

These pitiful wretches may have mistaken Venice for a toilet, and were simply stopping off to relieve themselves when they were smashed apart by volleys if incoming fire.

Kang cannot guarantee that Venice is the best place to relieve yourself in the Peripheries, as Kang is yet to relieve himself everywhere. But Kang does rate it a friendly 8/10 – would relieve self there again.

Friendly Detinus locals have no doubt launched a rescue operation, that sounds like the sort of pitifully weak thing these two-legged human meatsacks would do. Kang remembers his favourite rescue mission, once upon a time, upon a Felini homeworld. Happy memories. But you probably had to be there. Let Kang simply say, Felini + incendiary weapons? Equals a fun weekend.


*** Missing Krell ***

There are strange reports of a group of 3000 Krell being spotted in and around the Solo system, committing, what Kang can only describe as, typical acts of bored Krell.

Make that 2996 Krell. Four of them just set off a grenade during an argument over breadsticks.

It would appear these Krell were at one time mercenaries in the employ of one of the fleshy meatsack races, who have since been relieved of their contracts. But not their weapons.

The Krell government has attempted to reach out to these mercs, to encourage them to return home to their blasted and brutal home system of Storm, where they can truly embrace the short and unpleasant lifespan that is the birth-right of all Krell.

2987 Krell. A pint was spilled.

Kang sincerely hopes nobody rescues these Krell before they wander into some sort of populated centre and civilians get caught in the crossfire.


*** Piracy Report ***

The dread pirate Large has reported the capture of 15 vessels in the past month.


*** Dominion Warship Building ***

It would appear that the DOM are quitting the warship business, and moving into freighter production. Although the Dewiek have suggested they are simply now purchasing all of the DOMs warships, rather than allowing them to appear on the open market.

Kang wonders sometimes what the DOM must do with all of their stellars.


*** Prisoner Exchange ***

Of all of the strange and mysterious practices of you lesser species in the Peripheries, the one that Kang truly fails to understand is this procedure of exchanging prisoners. Officers and troops captured in combat are clearly weaker specimens, and superior evolutionary demands dictate that they should be allowed to perish. This is how the Flagritz have achieved a superior state, through strength, and the intolerance of the weak. And yet, here is Kang, forced to report that following a major exchange of prisoners and officers between the once warring parties of the Empire and the Detinus Meatpublic, the repatriated souls are ‘doing well’ and ‘settling back into their normal lives’.

Kang once repatriated captured Felini prisoners, when he relieved himself upon the surface of a Felini world that we had ravaged with nuclear fire. 10/10, would definitely relieve self again.



*** Peace Rumbles On ***

It would appear, much to Kang’s disappointment, that the Wimpire/Detinus Meatpublic peace is holding, more or less. With only a few reports of hidden outposts on either side being discovered and seized by brutal force.

Although Kang has heard report of one outpost capture in which over 5000 mercenaries were slaughtered as they attempted to take control of a meaningless mining facility.

Kang ponders if this has anything at all to do with the need on both sides of this conflict to relieve themselves of significant numbers of mercenaries and soldiers. But Kang is CERTAIN neither side would knowingly engage in such an efficient means of lightening their wage bills. These human meatsacks are simply insufficiently enlightened to embrace such an advanced economic practice.

Meanwhile large numbers of outposts have apparently been handed over peacefully.

Bah.

Elsewhere, the offices of the developers of a popular word processing program, have experienced a tragic Agent-X explosion, over their failure to include the words ‘Wimpire’ and ‘Meatpublic’ in their spellcheck libraries.


*** Economics News ***

Kang recently interviewed the Emeritus Economics Professor at Shenker University – the most respected centre of learning on the planet of Mobile Bay, to sit down and ask him what he saw as the principle concerns regarding the underlying economics of the Peripheries now that peace had settled across them.

The good professor was keen to explore how the shift from War Economy to Peace Economy might introduce some dramatic tensions into the Peripheries economics, and further to examine in detail some recent Caliphate strategic purchasing decisions. And what it all meant, particularly for smaller more agile affiliations throughout the Peripheries.

But Kang grew very weary of this, and ate the professors face off instead.

Kang is looking forward to conducting more interviews soon!


*** Alien Attack Animals ***

The FET organisation, a den of scum and villainy so scummy and villainous that Kang is tempted to occasionally applaud them, have launched an abortive recruitment campaign for large quantities of Alien Attack Animals.

Kang speculates the FET are about to open a City Trading Firm, and needed some floor traders.

Mysteriously however, the purchase order was cancelled almost as quickly as it was announced, leading Kang to wonder if the FET simply found some Alien Attack Animals of their own, or if the homeless problem outside their headquarters simply solved itself.


***** Special Feature – The Kang Interviews *****

Overlord Kang Wants You! To participate in a series of interviews with the PDs of affiliations.

Do you want to let the Peripheries know why new starcaptains should join you? Do you wish to demonstrate the superiority of your way of life to all and sundry? Do you simply have a new cookbook you wish to sell? Then come and try and convince Kang of the merits of that pathetic mess of meatsackery that you call an aff!

Kang will grudgingly provide PDs with final editorial say over the interviews, so that they are not… too inflammatory, and nothing will go to print without the interviewee’s approval.

Kang has also reluctantly agreed to provide cast iron guarantees that Kang will not attempt to eat the face off any of those being interviewed.

THIS IS NOT AN OFFER KANG MAKES OFTEN!

Contact The Editor in the usual ways to submit your request for an interview. That is… unless you are too chicken?




***** OOC Message From The Editor *****

Hi folks,

Sincere apologies for my disappearance. I’ve been really rather ill for the last 6 months, and really not up to much of anything.

Going to try and slowly get back into things. But obviously I’ve lost track of what’s been going on.

If you feel inclined to drop me a quick note about what your affiliation has been up to lately, that would be a big help in getting me back up to speed.

And once again, apologies for dropping off the face of the earth.

Yours,

Simon.